


Saltwater Fish

by officialagentmaine



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: But we still love him, and Locus is sick of everyone, could be a poly relationship if you squint, could be lolix if you squint, in which Felix is a little shithead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 10:13:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4825043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/officialagentmaine/pseuds/officialagentmaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Felix isn't a morning person, and makes sure everyone's morning is ruined too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saltwater Fish

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: I put salt in your coffee when you were in the bathroom and you drank it all and that was hardcore

This early in the morning you were either at a peace of mind, or you were being dragged into the antics of Felix.

In his opinion, mornings were the worst part of the day.

“Who would want to wake up from banging that very hot person? And before you ask, no I wasn't banging myself. I also wouldn't say no to that.”

“ _Be quiet.”_

He made it his mission on some mornings to cheer himself up.

Last week he was left alone in the bathroom. That happen to be the same day Locus' hair turned green.

That was a fun day.

Today, his victim is Sharkface and the coffee.

Sharkface had a predictable morning routine. Wake up. Make coffee.  _Leave_ said coffee for the bathroom. Come back for the coffee. Drink the entire cup. Make another cup. It was perfect, and never changed. 

Locus had noticed the way he was watching their other partner.

“ _Felix.”_

“Don't worry, no green hair.”

“ _We don't kill our partners.”_

“He's not gonna die, calm down.”

Locus only sighed, and stayed in the room. He wasn't going to be happy if he had to play the mediator.

 

Once Sharkface left the room, Felix jumped into motion.

Salt shaker lid off. Dump the contents into the unattended coffee. Stir. Dispose the evidence. Sit back down and enjoy his own coffee.

He couldn't help the smirk on his face. He was good.

The victim walked in, a hand rubbing on his face. Sharkface registered the looks Felix was giving him, merely raised an eyebrow at him. He glanced at Locus, and back to Felix.

“ _What are you looking at?”_

“Either hell spit out a demon, or you're not a morning person. Drink up, Fishstick.”

Sharkface wasn't stupid. He picked up his coffee, not breaking eye contact with him.

To Felix's horror, Sharkface proceeded to drink the entire cup without a grimace or cringe. His face dropped, displaying the horror.

“Are you...”

Sharkface put his mug down, preparing to make another coffee.

“Listen, just because your name is a fucking cheesy Batman villain it does not mean you thrive with salt! How did you do that?!”

Sharkface snorted, mixing the drink together.

“ _You can't kill me when I can withstand anything. I'm also going to kill you.”_

“Yeah? What are you gonna do? Play the Jaws theme at me?”

Locus had to physically separate them and get someone in to clean the mess.


End file.
